Friday, July 30, 2010


I know you all come here for thoughtful, insightful, intelligent blogging about relevant issues, but unfortunately Larisa went on holiday and left Ixo and me pulling the pints. I really tried, I promise I did, I read, like, srs blogs ‘n’ shit … but then I gave up and decided to roll up a Tribute Gnome instead, because the pink pigtail inn doesn’t feel like itself without a gnome in it.

I was even going to have pink pigtails of my very own. I got as far as pink (check) but I didn’t get as far pigtails because I found something even better.

Is that not the most awesome hair you’ve ever seen? I mean that is some serious hair; that hair means business. You wouldn’t want to meet it down a dark alley late at night. And naturally my gnome needed a serious name to match her serious hair: and thus Anklebane, the proud gnome warrior was born.

I even made her a FlagRSP description and everything:

I’ve never played a gnome before, except as part of the SAN gnome rally, so it was genuinely a new experience and a complete change perspective. I feel rather like Larisa did, when she wrote about her experiences Horde-side. I don’t, truthfully, think I’m a gnome at heart (I couldn’t be a healer, after all, well, not until Cataclysm…) and I don’t normally have much patience for the self-consciously cutsey but my first thoughts on finding myself in Dun Morogh, armed only with my srs hair, my courage and a hilariously over-sized sword were:

1. omg I’m tiny
2. omg I’m adorable

Larisa has often written of the sheer joy of being a gnome, and there is a contagious merriment in the way they move, and their excitable voices. I am not a massively physical player. I mean obviously I can get myself out of the bad stuff speedily enough but some people really do seem to inhabit their avatars, running and leaping about, and expressing themselves. Perhaps it’s because, in my deepest heart I’m a Tauren, and therefore I’m always afraid of banging my mighty cow head on the ceiling or standing on somebody’s toe or elbowing a fragile zombie in the face or something. Given that Blizzard have a really bad habit of designing their landscapes slightly too small for the average Tauren, it’s no wonder we’re physically self-conscious.

But not gnomes: I could bounce, and run around in circles, forever.

I’ve also discovered the most happy-making button in the entirety of WoW. It’s this one.

I don’t think I’ll ever get bored of pressing it, and watching my gnome zoom fiercely into the knees of an oncoming foe. I might even have macro-ed “RAAWRRRRR” to it.

But it soon became apparent that Anklebane needed a sidekick, err, I mean equal partner, to stand behind her in a sissy robe since her recklessness kept leading her into trouble (I might have have at one point joyously jumped her off a mountain into a bear). So, without further ado, let me introduce Azeroth's Most Disproportionate Duo: Together They Fight Crime, I Mean Kill Level 5 Boars:

His hairstyle was specifically chosen for being too large for Chas's widescreen monitor. We are srs about hair, Alliance-side. And, of course, there had to be a matching flagRSP description:

I know it shouldn’t surprise me after nearly two years of WoW but I am always amazed at just how much the game changes when you wear a different skin. It’s not just a matter of perspective, but it’s how you react to the different aspects of the game world. Even the most banal of starting-area quests can seem unimaginably heroic to a gnome with the right attitude.

Click here for a full sized version of my valiant gnome delivering the mail! I don’t know what it is about being so small but you can just feel the energy and enthusiasm radiating off her as she scampers towards the quest giver.

And I’ve never had any particular affinity for those ridiculous mechanical chicken things – they always looked rickety and absurd to me, and not in a quirky, interesting way either. Anklebane, however, took one look a green mechanostrider and was instantly in love – which suggests that the most likely profession for her is should be engineering, even if only for the rocket boots. Of course, Twinklehoof just didn’t get it but thankfully the NPCs were more than willing to contribute to the debate:

How right you are, Pilot Bellowfiz!

It’s moments like these that remind me how rich WoW can be. I think caught between one expansion, anticipating another, it’s very easy for the world to feel stale and to spiral down into familiar struggles against the same raid content. I’m looking forward to Cataclysm, because I’m hoping in taking us back to world we’ve forgotten – the world we all first fell in love with – it’ll help us re-discover the joy in it. And the simple pleasures of being new and discovering things – like the pleasure of an ability you’ve never used before, the discovery of an NPC who says exactly what you want to say at exactly the right time, or the profound importance of having The Most Awesome Hair In The Whole Game.

The male Draenei dance, however, is another matter entirely. Despite having raided with a spacegoat or two in my time, this was actually the first time I've ever had in unleashed on my unprepared person. Ye Gods. That was a side of Azeroth I could have lived in blissful harmony never having witnessed.

I could go on endlessly about the sheer delight of levelling a pink-haired gnome warrior to level 7 but I think I will simply conclude this post with some words of Draenish wisdom (brace yourselves):


Issy said...

Brilliant. Just brilliant. But sorry, I am still all about the bunches, not the christmas tree hair do.

Tessy said...

Gnome warrior + Charge = giggling all my way up to 70 (or 72-ish as she is now)

Rades said...

My planet was DESTROYED

Hahahahahaha. Seriously. You guys. Too funny.

Jaedia said...

His planet was destroyed? That's ok, we can build a new one.


Redbeard said...

I think I know who Gerald the Kobold will meet up with pretty soon...

@Rades: We can rebuilt it. Faster. Stronger. Better.

(Although I'm not sure how a faster planet would look.)

Dwism said...

I had a pinkhaired female gnome warrior once.
She was named missyelliot, she was glorious.

...And wouldn't holy fire be better than smite on a candle? Or am I missing the point completely.

: It would have speed-stripes.

Klepsacovic said...

And red flames! But I guess it already has that.

Shintar said...

I love Chas the ver srs priest. You guys are nuts (in a good and endearing way).

Hatch said...

This post is hilarious. For some reason Righteous Orbs is blocked for me from work . . . maybe it thinks it has something to do with manberries?

You really get what makes gnomes so fun, and why I enjoyed my gnome warrior so much. I'm always disappointed when my current character doesn't do a spinning leap every time I use a special ability.

Guthammer said...

The only thing that made me happier as a prot warrior than Charge is Warbringer.

Charge, in combat, in defense. The awesome just doesn't stop.

Redbeard said...

@Dwism: Maybe racing rings instead.

SlikRX said...

*gigantic grin*

Thanks Tam, I am in gleeful tears over here.

Well done you two!

Anonymous said...

Made me giggle, thank you!

Anea said...

As usual Tam, your way with words has me with about five things I want to copy/paste and say "lololol" after

(Like zooming fiercely at the knees of foes? Hilarious. True. And hilarious.)

Rhii said...

My upstairs neighbors must HATE you for the amount of loud uncontrollable laughter that provoked in the middle of the night.

Love the dancing bit.

Vigorless Fragmentary said...

pink hair or not, you must admit though that sissy robes just don't look that nice on so short a race! ;)

chewy said...

Loved the post, hate the hair.

Pink hair can only be worn effectively by a 17 year old male with acne, who's wearing a bin liner secured by a safety pin through each nipple while spitting and pogoing.

(I haven't seen one since about 1977 sadly)


mat said...

I still maintain, and have done since vanilla, that gnome warriors should get a bonus to any hamstring attacks made against Taurens.

Tamarind said...

Thank you :) And, don't get me wrong, I see the appeal of the famous pigtails but I still don't think you can beat hair *almost as tall as your gnome*

Yep, I could see myself charging to 80 extremely happily - and then my main would be a gnome warrior! Eeek.

Thank you :) And, without such dancing, it is really hard to mourn the loss of such a planet.

But was the planet destroyed to make way for an interspacial bypass, hmmm?

Anklebane is a kill first, ask questions later kind of gnome, I wouldn't fancy Gerald's chances if he met her in the wild.

And where is this pink haired gnome now, eh? Or is she secretly your main and this Dwarvish DK crap is all a front.
Holy fire would be more effective but you'd lose out on the pun - in English there's a saying 'it is better to light a candle than curse the darkness' hence the, err, smite ;)

Um, thank you ... I think :P

Yes, a few people tell me RO is block at work. I think it must be all the cussing we do :(
And, yes, gnomes are completely awesome - I don't know how I got this far into the game without having rolled one. I always thought Larisa was exaggerating a bit when she wrote about the joy of being a gnome but, no, it's all true :)

Warbringer, at the very least, has a brilliant name. Hi, I bring THE WAR.

Thank you :) Delighted to amuse, as ever. Also you should totally make yourself a gnome...

My pleasure :)

Awww, thank you :) I'm really happy it amused you.

It's possible - or she might just think you're on drugs ;)

I did get really annoyed, actually, at how crappy my dorf looked in his Tier 10, with his shoulders meeting his knees, so I was glad to return to the Horde the pleasures of being tall. But I think being very small and very heavily armoured could be very entertaining!

My mind's eye, my poor mind's eye!

Definitely! Those cows cannot withstand the might of Anklebane!

Anonymous said...

OMG!!! I couldn't stop from bursting out laughing reading the screen shot convo about the male Draenei dance!! Thank you ever so much! Simply priceless! :D