Friday, March 19, 2010

Peace! Please!

Finally. At last!

It's Friday night and I'm pulling the armchair a bit closer to the fireplace, grabbing something to drink (insert whatever brew that puts you into a good mood).

Off goes the tier armor. Off goes my shoes.

Ouch! You'd better open the door a bit over there. Those boots were delivered to me by mister stinky Festergut himself - you can imagine the smell they had from the beginning. Wearing them day and night for weeks hasn't improved the situation. But I really need to wiggle my toes, so here we go. Thank you for your understanding.

Where were we? Yes, indeed it's Friday night and I'd also like to rid myself of some worries that have been burdening me the last few days.

Of course I'm thinking about the ongoing drama in the WoW blogosphere.

All I can say is: What's up with you people? Normally goodhearted, well-intending, harmless bloggers of all sizes are tearing each other into pieces. And the war going on in the commentary sections of some blogs doesn't exactly help up. Are you out of your minds? Has Putricide come up with some new evil gas that somehow has poisoned you guys, depriving you of common sense?

Until now I haven't uttered one single word about the whole thing. Partly because I've been swamped with work and haven't had time to blog much this week. Partly because I think it's all pretty introspective, mostly interesting to a handful of bloggers. I also was reluctant to interfere, risking to stir up even more dust than there already was. I just wished it all to go away - the lesser said the better. Even if I'm all for openness and communication - that's a part of my job - there are a few situations when the wisest thing is to just remain calm and silent.

But I'm sitting here in my virtual pub with a drink in my hand, and being the blogger I am I can't shut up completely. This is in my mind, so I'll share my thoughts about it, and then we'll just move on. OK?

A piece of advice
So. I won't tire you with the whole story. No linking. No naming. No shaming. Just a short summary: there was a blogger who posted a pretty stupid, thoughtless post, which she probably regretted considering the outcome. A post that shouldn't have been written in the first place. Then there was another blogger calling the first blogger out for the stupidity. The criticized blogger got so upset she chose to not only take down the questioned post, but to quit blogging altogether. And finally a lot of other people have thrown themselves into taking sides, arguing about who is bullying who, in comments and in blog posts.

And all I want to do is to cry out: enough is enough! Cut it! Now!

While I agree with what Tamarind wrote in his take on this, I'd like to add a little piece of advice, coming from someone who has been around for a while, done loads of stupid stuff over the years and hopefully learned a little bit from it.

And this is: you don't have to bring out every single thought you get into your mind in public. Not even if you're a blogger. Secondly: if you're writing something in a state of rage, it's not only OK, but also actually advisable to postpone the publishing a bit, at least overnight, giving you a chance to breathe and give it a second thought.

If you've ever worked at an office, I bet that you have seen an e-mail war at some point. You know when one person has a conflict with another person, but instead of settling this between two eyes, they send angry e-mails with copies not only to their bosses, but to the entire staff. This kind of warfare will quickly escalate to insane proportions, leaking energy and causing a poisoning atmosphere of distrust and animosity. And it bugs me like crazy. If I was Euripides I'd write a nerdrage post about it.

Arguments between blogs can resemble to this. Not always. God knows I've argued with Gevlon over the years, but I think I can talk for both of us when I claim that we in spite of our disagreements never have stopped respecting and even liking each other.

However some of the blog posts and comments I've seen in this week have been exactly like office mail wars. And this public fencing is frankly quite sickening to see.

How to deal with conflicts
"Easy for you to say", someone might say. "Everyone likes Larísa, you're never dragged into any kind of conflict. You don't know how it is".

As a matter of fact I do. But I try to handle it differently, as far as I can. I'll give you an example. A little while ago there was a blogger who wrote a post, where he talked about me in a way that upset me. To be honest I freaked out completely. But did I blog about it? Heck, no! This way I'd only draw more attention to it, and also risk to make a huge conflict out of something that maybe wasn't ill meant, just an act of silliness. So I wrote him a letter. And he got my point and changed the post promptly, so it wasn't about me any longer. He was actually pretty devastated about the whole thing, as he never meant any harm. And of course I forgave him of all my heart, and I dare say that we're now even closer than we were before. There's nothing that can grow you together as sorting out a conflict. We handled all this stuff so discretely that I don't think many in the blogosphere ever saw what happened. It saved us both quite a few headaches, I believe.

I don't say that this is the one and only solution. But it might be worth considering, as a first step.

Enough of wisdom words from this old lady. Time to relax... Can someone handle me another pint, please?

Ensidia harassment
Or wait, there was one more thing, that bothered me this week. Basically it isn't my business, but it needs to be said:

Can all morons out there please leave Ensidia alone now for a while? Just let them play like everyone else, having a fair chance to get the world's first heroic Lich King kill like any other guild? Someone has apparently been griefing the Tarren Mill server with a fishing macro (!) making it unplayable for the last few weeks. There can't be any doubt who they were targeting. Now things have gone so bad that Ensidia for the second time has felt forced to transfer to another server.

That sucks. It really does.

And now: time to drift away, contemplating the dance of the flames, lightening up this little corner of the world. My corner. Our corner.

Peace. Please.

Next week will definitely be better.


River said...

I piss off half the blogosphere each week, this week the RP'ers, next week the PvP'ers

I think if I can't have their love, I'll take their hate.

But I love you Larisa.

Klepsacovic said...

If you ask for it, there shall be peace.

Perpetual good influence.

Imperial said...

I see the work email thing happen a lot, it's sad. I think the main issue is that people feel so tough and justified typing something that they'd never actually say to someone's face. I try to think about that if I'm about to fire off an angry email, would I say this to their face or not?

I think people in general need to relax and not take things so personally. Realize that you may be reading something with inflection that is completely different than the writer intended and do like you did, go to the source and find out if there was malicious intent or not.

Friday! Time for a beer! Pour me a cold one!

Jim said...

I know nothing of this. But I have been reading your blog. You are an adult. Cheers

Lath said...

/sigh I had absolutely no idea about all this until reading your post. Of course I decided to snoop and now I'm feeling quite sad about it.

Perhaps I've just been lucky, but I have found the blogging community to be a really friendly supportive group and reading all the comments available to posts relating to the blogs disspointed me a little bit.

iapetes said...

Meh, Ensidia's full of jerks anyway. They talk down to the guilds they compete against constantly while cheating every chance they get.

Dwism said...

@iapetes... Yes, you seem to be very much in the know.

Chewy said...

An excellent post, enjoyed the read.
You struck a chord with your description of the office e-mail war, seen those and shamefully taken part. A piece of advice some one gave me a while ago which is akin to your own - never reply to an e-mail thread more than twice, pick up the phone instead.

Anonymous said...

K, I would like to ask where did you get your information from? Was the source of your information gained by first hand accounts from Cranky Healer, did you ask Sans members who were part of the incident? These are questions I have and a response would be most appreciated.

Larísa said...

@River: Awww... I love you too River. I'm just sick of all the fighting. I need some peace now.

: Thank you!

: well if it at least would stop with angry e-mail to ONE person. But copying it all over the place without a good reason? No thanks. I hate e-mail wars at work.

And here's your beer. Enjoy!

@Jim: Cheers!

@Lath: Normally it is. Big blow-ups like this are fortunately relatively rare.

@Iapetes: Jerks or not, as long as they're not ruining the gameplay of others by trying to break the server, I can't see how they deserve that others do this.

@Chewy: phone calls - or even personal meetings (it doesn't hurt to move 50 metres to the next floor) are underestimated.

: I have no other sources but what's available in the blogosphere. I've read most of the posts on this topic, comments and the SAN forum (I'm a member myself). And I guess this is a first hand account. I comment on what I see in the blogs.

Carra said...

Secondly: if you're writing something in a state of rage, it's not only OK, but also actually advisable to postpone the publishing a bit, at least overnight, giving you a chance to breathe and give it a second thought.

That's some great advise everywhere, not just on a blog. Feeling angry at work and want to yell at people? Wait a day and you'll think about these things in a calmer way. That way you won't regret the things you said.

And seeing messages pass at work with the bosses name in it is just frustrating. If someone sends me a mail blaming me that I haven't done my job well and they put my boss in CC that'll just get me pissed. First try to talk it out before running of to your superiors.

Anonymous said...

A swram of bloggers blogging about fellow bloggers blogging about a blogger.

Is that akin to some form of masturbation?

Bronte said...

Agreed on Ensidia. That is a terrible situation to be in...

Larísa said...

@Carra: involving bosses is OK at some point, but not without informing about it first imo. "OK, you and I don't agree on this and we don't seem to be able to settle it, let's see what our bosses have to say on the matter." That's OK. Sending cc:s as a part of officer warfare isn't.

: actually yes it probably is. That's why I was reluctant to write about it in the first place. However it HAS stirred up quite a few feelings in the community and I'm a part of the community, so I finally made the decision to share my thoughts once for all. But now it's time to move on.

Azryu said...

I wish we as a community fought against the flames a bit more before they are already in a full uproar.

Comment sections of the blog poster's were eventually turned off, but I dont think its the sole responsibility of the blog poster to moderate the comments that get fired around. I think others could communicate that they believe this is not what the people they would be fighting for would want them to be doing in their name.

I think by saying that enough people would try to keep the peace to overwhelm all parties with a sense of overall goodwill, so that no one would feel threatened or overwhelmed.

Tam said...

Agreed, Larisa, a thousand times...

Perdissa said...

I don't read many blogs, so I was pretty much unaware of this little drama. Heck, I don't even go to those places. That said, I agree in principle with the way you manage issues with other people. Talking about something privately is a lot less confrontational than doing it say, on a blog or in guild chat. People just tend to take your counsel better when it's not communicated to them via public announcement.

How the heck does a fishing macro bring a server down, tho...

Anonymous said...


As usual, a well-thought out and unbiased call for order.


kyrilean said...


Perhaps I've really earned my "Old Man" title. Perhaps I'm just tired. Either way it still astounds me that people somehow fail to show common decency towards other people.

Arguing a point is one thing. Arguing said point while totally disrespecting the other side's right to disagree is something I'll never understand.

For example, I received a comment on my post today. It said "How uninteresting." I nearly died laughing!

It seemed to be intended to incite me into a rage, but it just served to make me wonder why he was willing to take the 5 seconds out of his day to comment on something that didn't interest him to begin with?

We appear to be a society hellbent on being rude to everyone at all costs. Perhaps we just need the excitement?

casualaddict said...

Good call on all points but one.

Ensidia gets what they deserve. Period.

But all in all, a very good read. :)

Larísa said...

@Azryu: actually there have been quite a few good, interesting and thuoghtful comments and posts as well. But the very amount of it became a bit too much to me in the end. Sometimes it's better to leave things a lone for a while to cool down and just move on.

: I think it was a combination of a fishing macro and bad hardware from the beginning if I got it right.

: thanks!

: sometimes I wonder if there isn't a bit of a PvP:er in all those seemingly peaceful bloggers. It's a bit of the same mentality that makes people post damage charts or otherwise compare themselves. A bit of e-peen-showing through blogging. There's an "I'm a smarter, better, more cleaver blogger than anyone else" attitude that sometimes pops up, like now.

: thanks! And about Ensidia, just let's agree on that we disagree.

Jb said...

Iv read som e-mail spam and blog spam on different blogs over the years and I must say that the worst comes from blogs in newspapers. One person writes a comment, another catch him/her on a mistake/misunderstanding and the next 40-50 post is an escalating war on the blog making it unreadable. Most wow-blogs are accually alot better, even the official forum ( witch is pretty bad ). As for the Ensidia episode there seems to be alot of comenters derailing in 2 directions depending on if they are fans or not. For some of them I have to say they sounds alot like they have been rejected from Ensidia or another hardcore guild or maby just been put down by a realy harsh hardcore player and henche are just feeling bitter. Once the coments takes the form of : "they are a..holes and deserve bad things to happen to them" you know whom Im talking about.

mage guide said...

Wow that's a long post.. but you are definitely right when it comes to posting in rage.

My first thought was "Welcome to the internet" since I stumble upon those situations in blogs, forums, comments, videos (...) but I love to see that actually some people - YOU - take the time to write a friendly blog post about this topic. Without judging people off.

More people should take this as an example.

Thank you :)