There I was, in the dark tent of the fortuneteller of Darkmoon Faire. Hesitatingly I pointed at three cards, not daring to look into her eyes as she would reveal my destiny. Her verdict was short, just two words, which she spitted out with a hissing voice. "Learn Kalimag". And then she made it clear to me that there was no room for me to ask any question. There was a long queue of Azerothian adventurers waiting outside. My time was over.

I nodded and gave her a faint smile before I fled, anxious to not reveal that I didn't have a clue about what she just had told me.

Kalimag? WTF?

It sounded vaguely Japanese to me. Could it be some kind of ancient martial art form, officially lost in the tide of history, but in fact kept alive within a small circle of chosen knowledge keepers who pass it on from generation to generation until the End of the World when it will be needed again? It might come handy considering the current situation in Azeroth.

On the other hand I'm a mage, not a warrior. The oracle if anyone should know that. So maybe this was in fact a school of magic - the next upcoming level in my climbing in the ranks of mages. Even someone who is exalted with Kirin Tor hasn't learned all of their secrets. For all I knew I might be nothing more than an initiate in their eyes. Perhaps the power of Kalimag was awaiting me, if I only could find the path to it.

What Kalimag is
So what is a gnome looking for the Truth and Knowledge to do? I did what anyone else of you would have done. I consulted Wowpedia (the new home of Wowwiki, in case anyone has missed it.) And it turned out that Kalimag is neither about fighting or magic. It's the standard language for all elementals.

I nodded to myself. It made sense. There had been a lot of elementals around recently. They sure seemed to be aggravated for some reason. But all my efforts to make them come to their senses had been blatantly ignored until now. The only answer for my invites to a friendly discussion had only been met by yet another angry whirl and a knockback. If I only could get my hand on a book of Kalimag, perhaps I could make a breakthrough in our communications. Or, if my peace invites were ignored, I could secretly spy on them, learning about their plans on beforehand.

So far I must admit that my mission to learn Kalimag has been far from succesful, It's not as if there's an abundance of resources to consult. While Klingon has its own academia, with published books such as a translation of Hamlet, I couldn't find a single translated word from Kalimag to English. According to Wowpedia, it's only spoken by "a few scholars", since the natives speakers "are rarely encountered in any sort of friendly capacity". And obviously those few scholars have kept their secrets well.

Kalimag in game
So what do we see of Kalimag in WoW? Most of the time we encounter elementals in WoW they don't say a thing. They just whirl. There is one quest though, Escape from Coilskar Cistern, where you help Earthmender Wilda to get out of a cave. After a while you're joined by five friendly elementals, who all will tell you: "Kranu sto aer'rohgmar", but what this means remains a mystery.

There has been a speculation that the Living Fire who on one occasion says: "Reth reth reth" in fact says: "Burn burn burn". However, in another quest, there's a manifestation of water who says: "Ma reth bromo zoln kilagrin dra ma zoern tu ko fraht ko kadrom Ma krin drinor zoln drinor Ma krin kan aasrugel korsul", using the word "reth" again. Why would a water elemental talk about burning stuff?

Things are complicated by the fact that there are several different dialects of Kalimag, one for each type of elements. So it's possible that words could have different meanings depending on the context.

From Wowpedia can also learn that Kalimag occurs in an inscription on the pedestal of Frostmourne. The writing read: "Whomsoever takes up this blade shall wield power eternal. Just as the blade rends flesh, so must power scar the spirit". Since Muradin Bronzebeard can read the text on the dais, you can draw the conclusion that he's one of those scholars who knows Kalimag. Now if we only could find a way to persuade him to share this knowledge?

The odds are against it, since Kalimag actually doesn't exist in the game files as a real language, at least not in the sense you would hope. There is an in-game "translator" which uses an algorithm to make words "look like" Kalimag. For instance a four letter word will come out as "drom", "drae", "fmer" or a bunch of other examples and a word with nine letters would be transformed to for instance "ahn'torunt", "brud'remek" or "dor'dra'tor". But algorithm mechanisms is not the same thing as a real translation if you ask me.

Continuing research
I have to be honest with you. From the research I've done so far, you can all see that learning Kalimag isn't an easy task. This doesn't mean that I've given up on it though. Hereby I invite everyone to join me in the search for the secret language of the elementals!

You know what to do. Let's go back to Karazhan and check out those books scattered all over the floors! Maybe we missed some? Let's examine every inch of the library in Scarlet Monastery; perhaps there was a hidden room where they kept the only existing copy of the Lexicon of Kalimag? Keep your eyes open at all hours; before you'll know it, the book will spawn right in front of your eyes.

I don't see that we have any choice. We have to follow our destiny and listen to the advice of the mighty fortuneteller. Who knows what curses she might put on anyone who dares to defy her?

PS. On a more serious note it made me a surprised and happy gnome to see that they made use of the Darkmoon Faire concept in the marketing campaign of Cataclysm. I haven't seen anything about it but it has brought back my hope that they'll finally come around and give it the revamp it has needed for a long time.